A eulogy is a heartfelt speech that celebrates a loved one’s life. To write one, gather memories and stories, choose a few themes that capture who they were, and structure it with a warm opening, the body of their life and qualities, and a gentle farewell. Keep it personal and honest, aim for around three to five minutes, and remember that sincerity matters far more than perfect words.
Being asked to write a eulogy is one of the greatest honours there is, and quietly one of the loveliest. It is a chance to sit with your favourite memories of someone you love and to put into words what they meant to you and to everyone who will be listening. It is also natural to feel the weight of it, to want to do them justice while you are grieving, and to quietly wonder if you are up to it. Those feelings can all sit together. The reassuring truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect eulogy, only an honest, heartfelt one, and this guide will walk you through it gently, from your first scattered memories to the final farewell, with a clear structure, practical tips and examples along the way. It is general guidance, and our team at Keith Logue & Sons is always happy to help.
Where to Start
Begin by gathering memories rather than trying to write straight away. Jot down stories, qualities, achievements and small everyday moments that captured who your loved one was. Speak with family and friends, who will often share treasures you had forgotten. You may be surprised how often this brings laughter as much as tears, and that warmth is part of the tribute rather than a distraction from it. From this collection, look for a few themes, perhaps their kindness, their humour, their devotion to family, that you can build the eulogy around. You do not need to include everything. A few well-chosen stories say more than a long list of facts.
A Simple Structure for a Eulogy
A clear structure makes writing far easier. A eulogy often follows this gentle shape:
| Part | What to include |
|---|---|
| Opening | Introduce yourself and your relationship, and a warm first thought |
| Their life | A brief sketch of their life, family and milestones |
| Who they were | The qualities, passions and stories that defined them |
| A favourite memory | One or two anecdotes that bring them to life |
| Farewell | A loving closing, a quote, or words spoken directly to them |
Tips for Writing a Heartfelt Eulogy
- Be honest and personal. Real, specific memories resonate far more than general praise.
- Embrace their quirks, flaws and all. The grumbles, the stubbornness, the running joke about their terrible parking, shared with affection, these endearing imperfections often capture a person far better than a tidy list of virtues. It is perfectly okay to smile at who they really were.
- Use their name and speak naturally. Write as you speak, in your own voice.
- Include gentle humour if it fits. A fond, funny memory can bring warmth and lightness.
- Keep it a comfortable length. A few heartfelt minutes is plenty, and quality always matters more than length.
- Read it aloud. This helps you catch anything that does not flow and gauge the timing.
- Consider the music too. A meaningful song can complement your words beautifully.
A Short Eulogy Example
To give you a feel, here is a brief excerpt:
“Mum had a way of making everyone feel like the most important person in the room. She taught us that kindness costs nothing and means everything. I will always remember her in the garden on a Sunday morning, tea in hand, telling us that there was nothing a good cup of tea could not fix. Mum, thank you for everything. We love you, and we will carry you with us always.”
Notice how it is simple, specific and from the heart. That is all a eulogy needs to be.
It is also fine to celebrate the less polished parts of someone. If they were famously cranky, forever complaining, or never short of an opinion, you can say so with love:
“Let’s be honest, Dad was the grumpiest man on the street. He complained about the weather, the cricket, and the price of just about everything. But we adored him for it, because behind every grumble was someone who would drop anything to help you. His whinging was simply his way of saying he cared, and in hindsight, it is something I will miss dearly.”
Said warmly, a fond imperfection can draw the biggest, most knowing smiles in the room, and often feels truer than any polished tribute.
When It Feels Like Too Much
Writing a eulogy while you are grieving is genuinely hard, and it is okay to find it a struggle. A few things can lighten the load:
- Give yourself permission to keep it simple. A short, sincere eulogy is always enough. There is no audience to impress, only people who loved them too.
- Start small and early. Jot down single memories as they come, rather than facing a blank page the night before. The words often arrive when you stop forcing them.
- Share the load. There is no rule that one person must do it all. Ask others for their stories, or invite two or three people to each speak briefly.
- It is alright if your relationship was complicated. Not every bond is simple. You can speak honestly and kindly without pretending, focusing on what was true and what you can genuinely honour.
- Lean on us. Your funeral director has gently guided many families through this and is always glad to talk things through, suggest a gentle structure, or simply reassure you that you are on the right track.
Delivering the Eulogy
On the day, give yourself time and keep things simple. Print your eulogy in a large, clear font, number the pages in case they slip out of order, and keep a glass of water within reach. It helps to have someone stand quietly beside you, ready to step in if you need a moment. If you would rather not read it yourself, a celebrant or close relative can read it on your behalf, and the same warmth will carry through to the wake afterwards.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should a eulogy be?
Around three to five minutes is a good guide, which is roughly 500 to 800 words. It is long enough to honour your loved one without becoming difficult to deliver.
Who usually gives the eulogy?
Usually a close family member or friend, but there is no rule. Sometimes several people share short tributes, and a celebrant can deliver the eulogy on the family’s behalf if preferred.
What should you not include in a eulogy?
It is best to avoid anything that could embarrass or upset the family, overly private matters, or old conflicts. Focus on warmth, love and the qualities worth celebrating.
Can I use ChatGPT or AI to help write a eulogy?
It can help if you are stuck, as long as it stays a starting point rather than the final word. A tool like ChatGPT can turn your rough notes into a first draft or suggest a structure when the blank page feels overwhelming. The important thing is to feed in your own memories and stories, then rewrite it in your own voice, so it sounds like you and truly captures them. A eulogy moves people because it is personal, so let a tool help with the shape, never the heart.
What if I get too emotional to speak?
That is completely natural and understood by everyone present. Pause, breathe, and continue when ready, or arrange for someone to take over. There is no shame in tears.
Here to Support You
Writing a eulogy is a loving act, and you do not have to do it alone. As a fourth-generation, family-owned funeral home, Keith Logue & Sons can offer guidance and connect you with experienced celebrants as you plan a funeral. If you would like a hand, our caring team is here. You are welcome to call us any time on (02) 6652 1999 or send an online enquiry whenever you are ready.
This article was written by the team at Keith Logue & Sons, a fourth-generation, family-owned funeral home that has cared for families across Coffs Harbour and the Mid North Coast for over five decades.
[REFERENCES]
- Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement, https://www.grief.org.au/
