A wake is a gathering of family and friends to remember and celebrate a loved one, usually held after the funeral service, though sometimes before. It is generally more relaxed than the funeral, with food, drinks, stories and photos. There are no fixed rules. A wake can be held at home, at a club or venue, or anywhere that feels right, and it is a chance to share comfort, memories and support.
After the formality of a funeral service, many families gather for a wake. Where the service is for farewelling, the wake is for remembering, a more relaxed chance to swap stories, raise a glass and celebrate a life well lived. Whether you are planning a wake for the first time or are simply wondering what to expect, this guide walks through what happens at a wake, how it differs from the funeral, and the many ways to make it your own. It is general information, and our team at Keith Logue & Sons is always happy to help.
What Is the Purpose of a Wake?
A wake gives people the chance to mourn together and to celebrate a life, in a more relaxed setting than the funeral. It offers comfort through shared company, a space to swap stories and laughter as well as tears, and a gentle transition after the formality of the service. For many families, the wake is where grief and gratitude sit side by side, and where the warmth of community is felt most.
Wake or Funeral: What Is the Difference?
When people weigh up a wake vs funeral, the simplest way to see it is that the two serve different purposes and complement one another:
| Funeral service | Wake | |
|---|---|---|
| Tone | Formal and ceremonial | Relaxed and social |
| Purpose | To farewell and honour | To gather, share and support |
| Setting | Chapel, church or graveside | Home, club, venue or function room |
| Timing | The main service | Usually afterwards, sometimes before |
When and Where Is a Wake Held?
Timing is usually the first thing families settle. Most often a wake follows straight on from the funeral service, while everyone is already together and dressed for the occasion. Others hold it a day or two later, particularly after a direct cremation or when relatives are travelling a long way.
When it comes to the venue, the main things to weigh up are how many people you expect, whether you would like catering, and how far guests must travel. A quiet morning tea suits a small group, while a club or function room comfortably handles a crowd. Wherever you land, the right setting is simply one where people feel at ease.
Ideas for a Meaningful Wake
A wake is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate a life, and the most memorable ones carry the unmistakable stamp of the person being remembered. It can be as intimate as a quiet cup of tea with close family or as lively as a big backyard gathering full of music and laughter, whatever feels right for you.
Give it a personal theme
Many Australian families love to celebrate the quirks that made their loved one who they were, and a gentle theme can turn a wake into a tribute that raises a smile as well as a tear:
- Wear their colours. If they barracked for a footy team or adored a particular colour, invite everyone to wear it. A room full of sky blue, or their favourite shade, is a surprisingly moving sight.
- Bring what they loved. A car enthusiast might be farewelled with a line-up of classic cars out the front, a keen angler with a few tall tales and a favourite lure on display, or a gardener with cuttings for guests to take home and grow.
- Dress up, or dress right down. If they loved a costume or never left the house without a certain hat, encourage guests to join in. If they were happiest in thongs and a loud shirt, make that the dress code.
- Gather where they belonged. The local surf club, bowls club, pub or footy clubhouse can capture a person far better than any formal room.
- Serve their signatures. Their famous lamingtons, a backyard barbecue, or a cold one from their favourite brewery can bring back a flood of memories.
Touches that help the stories flow
Whatever the theme, a few simple touches help people open up and remember:
- Set up a photo display. A wall or table of photographs and treasured objects gives everyone something to gather around.
- Play their soundtrack. A playlist of meaningful songs sets the tone, whether that is Slim Dusty, opera or something gloriously daggy.
- Invite a few words. Some families set aside a moment for anyone who wishes to speak, much like a eulogy but warmer and off the cuff.
- Start a memory book. Guests can jot down a story or message for the family to treasure long after the day.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a wake?
A wake is a relaxed gathering of family and friends to remember and celebrate someone who has died, usually held after the funeral service. It is a time to share food, stories, music and comfort, with no fixed rules about where it is held or how it is run.
Is a wake held before or after the funeral?
In Australia, a wake is most often held after the funeral service, though some families gather beforehand. There is no fixed rule, and you should do whatever suits your family.
Do you have to have a wake?
No. A wake is entirely optional. Some families find great comfort in gathering, while others prefer something quieter or nothing at all. The choice is yours.
What do you do at a wake?
There is no script. People catch up over food and a drink, but the heart of a wake is the storytelling, the laughter at a favourite memory and the quiet moments of comfort. Many families add a personal touch too, from a themed dress code to a display of the things their loved one treasured.
Who pays for the wake?
The family usually covers the cost, which can be as simple or as elaborate as you wish. A gathering at home costs little, while a venue and catering add to the overall funeral cost.
How long does a wake usually last?
There is no set length. Many wakes run for a couple of hours, though a relaxed gathering at home can carry on naturally as people share stories and support one another. Let it last as long as feels right, and do not feel you must stay to the very end if you are weary.
What should people wear to a wake?
Whatever feels respectful and comfortable. Many guests simply stay in what they wore to the funeral, while some wakes are more casual, especially at home. If you are unsure, our guide on what to wear to a funeral may help, or you are welcome to ask the family.
Helping You Gather and Remember
A wake is a beautiful way to celebrate a life and draw comfort from those around you. As a fourth-generation, family-owned funeral home, Keith Logue & Sons can help you plan a funeral and the gathering that follows, tailored to your family. If you would like a hand, our caring team is here. You are welcome to call us any time on (02) 6652 1999 or send an online enquiry whenever you are ready.
This article was written by the team at Keith Logue & Sons, a fourth-generation, family-owned funeral home that has cared for families across Coffs Harbour and the Mid North Coast for over five decades.
[REFERENCES]
- Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement, https://www.grief.org.au/
- Moneysmart, Paying for your funeral, https://moneysmart.gov.au/manage-your-money-in-retirement/paying-for-your-funeral
